I am going out with a new guy and he goes from kissing me to reaching for my crotch before I am ready. I know that when a man is sweet to my breasts and spends time there teasing and pleasing me, I get turned on enough to let him touch me down there. How do I tell him? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. My last boyfriend got pissed when I tried to tell him what to do. What did I do wrong?
Frustrated in Fresno
I hear you!!! One of the reasons I love teaching erotic story telling to men is to clue them in on what it takes to have a woman open her legs….on her own. There is no more powerful moment in love-making than a woman who swings her legs open out of hunger and desire. When men can do this for their lady, great sex is sure to follow! (More Orgasm Tips for Men: Click Here)
Don’t try to talk about it while making out. You know you have a problem here but at this point, he doesn’t. Go ahead and kiss and make out. When he moves toward your crotch, take his hand and stretch your arm down so his hand is near your knee. Hold his fingers lovingly. You are in charge here. If things go too fast for you and you are not turned on enough, tell him you have to go to the bathroom and interrupt the game.
Here are 3 sure fire tips for telling your guy what you need to feel super turned on….without making him feel clueless or insecure about his sex skills. (You know how they don’t like to read directions. LOL)
Tip #1: The OREO Method (How to Sugar Coat it): Go out for coffee or a glass of wine. Tell him it turns you on to flirt in public and ask for him to pick the place. The Oreo method is a way of sugar coating a request. You start off with something sweet and complimentary, you ask for the thing you want and then you finish with something sweet.
For example: “I love being with you, you are so sweet to me. Do you mind if I ask you something personal? “(Guys usually say yes so, go ahead) “Is it awkward for you to have a woman make suggestions about what’s on the sex menu when you are in a couple?” (Take note of his answer) Then if you can ask, “On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being awkward and 10 being comfortable, where do you stand with a lady telling you her preferences.” (Note Answer) Then you say, “Thanks so much for letting me know that. I like how open you are that way.” Take his hand and kiss it. Look up at him and let him feel connected to you.
He will probably have something to say at this point. Let him ask a question or comment. When you come across as wanting to know HIS viewpoint or perspective on the issue of sexual communication, it will tend to disarm him. Remember most everyone feels awkward talking about pleasure with a new partner.
Now what do you do with the information?
Tip #2 – The Hotness Scale (Make It Stupid Easy)
If he is pretty comfy talking about what you like, 8-10, that is great. With this guy you can be fairly direct. One approach that works is to compare your sexcapades to a road trip with or without GPS. Without GPS, you might get there and you might have fun along the way but it is bound to be frustrating as hell. WIth GPS, you plug in your destination and listen for cues.
Tell your guy that you want to play and have fun with sex. Tell him that keeping it fun for both of you is your biggest turn on. Then tell him all he needs to do is to check in with you to find out how turned on you are while you are messing around….that’s it. Just like heat in a Thai dinner entree, you are either hot or not and telling him simply, clearly and with the utmost respect will work like a charm.
Now let’s say he checks in and you say: “I am cruising at a 3.5 baby.”
Now there are times that 3.5 is terrific. For example, let’s say you two are at a restaurant and he is holding your hand under the table, massaging your palm with his hand on your thigh. Being turned on is delicious. It is what I call the O-Zone. Pre-orgasmic and completely irresistible. But….
If you guys are in the back of the car making out like kids and he thinks you are at a 12 and you are cruising at 3.5, it means a whole different thing. Once again, tell him again that you love having sex with him and that all you want is to make sure he knows what will keep you in the O-Zone. The easier you can make it for your guy to read where you are sexually, the better. No more faking it. If he is missing the mark, so to speak, let’s help him find it.
Sometimes the GPS says “Make a legal u turn at the next intersection.” Use that metaphor to tell your man, hey, go back up to those nipples for awhile.
Have fun with this man, he wants to please you and will adore your feedback.
Tip #3 – The SALT Method (Make Him Thirsty For More)
If he feels awkward talking about sex, score 4-7, you have a little work cut out for you. A guy who feels more awkward than comfortable may be threatened by your confidence. You know that your breasts and nipples are being ignored and that is not good. You also know that he has some other very nice traits and sexually, there is chemistry. With this man, I suggest the SALT method. This is the sure fire cure and will also work with the OREO guys.
Tell your guy before you start making out…somewhere after the first few kisses (and if you whisper in his ear, he will follow you anywhere.) Say, “I have an idea that will make tonight really, really good.” Wait for his breath to settle down a little and then whisper: “I think you will really like it.” Wait now while he pleads with you to tell him. In fact, kiss him a bit and make him wait.
Then, take a deep breath and say, “Baby, I want to feel your hands on my breasts and your mouth on my nipples….it makes me tremble to think about it.”
If that doesn’t work, he is not the one.
If he is scores 3 and under he is very uninformed and may be pretty intimidated by a sexually confident woman. I would send him over to read up on Revolutionary Sex by Alex Allman. Alex is the master of helping men learn how to please women properly. I highly recommend him
I hope this helps, Frustrated. Be sure to write back and let me know!