The real reason she doesn’t want sex with you tonight

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Unhappy couple not talking after an argument in bed at homeGuest Post by Alex Allman

Sometimes you can trigger all of a woman’s sexual feelings and emotions…

And other times all you seem to trigger are her “let’s just be friends” defensive systems…


Single guys are usually painfully aware of this balance between “there’s going to be sex” and “let’s just be friends”, but this same balance exists in every relationship and in every marriage…

You arrive home with your wife (or live-in girlfriend) from a night at a movie, and you’re in the mood for a little fun in bed… and sometimes you can FEEL her connect with your sexual chemistry, and she shivers with pleasure when you touch her and you can’t get each other’s clothing off fast enought–

But then other times the circuit just doesn’t connect and she just wants to go to sleep, and you’re left frustrated.

It would be easy to say, “well, she was tired, she had a long day.”

Sure, that happens. If she really got no sleep last night and there’s all sorts of stress in her life– there’s plenty of things that can take a woman out of “the mood.”

But MOST of the time, you’d be amazed at how much control YOU have over whether or not she’s feeling in the mood.

It has to do with what we sometimes call “sexual chemistry,” and when you can make her feel that connection, any woman will very happily give up a few hours of sleep, or just about anything else to get you on top of her.

So here’s a question, single guy:

You are out with a woman you met online, and clearly you have some intellectual chemistry– she’s laughing at your jokes, she thinks you’re interesting, and you feel yourself getting really powerfully physically attracted to her– YOU definitely want to take things to the next level.

But does she?

What is the secret to making her take the jump from, “this guy is an interesting person,” to “I want this man to fuck my brains out right now!”?

And for you, married guy:

You can have a great evening with your wife, you can be having a great conversation, but if you are in the mood for love-making, you know that there is still a bridge to cross between her feeling that: “my husband is my best friend” feeling, to that “my husband is so sexy I need his cock inside of me RIGHT NOW” feeling.

In BOTH cases, the difference is whether you are interacting to her as a person, or as a MAN.

Her sexual feelings are driven by the differences in your genders, and man-behavior, or masculine sexuality is the driver for her wanting to get sexual with you.

There are an infinite number of ways to be sexually masculine, (And I get deeply into this topic in my ORGASMS program… though I’ll probably be creating a program specifically on “how to do masculine for your woman” in the near future)… but for this post I’ll focus on the “easy-button” of sexual masculinity: Leading and dominance.

Note that “dominance” or “leading” are not the only way to give your woman a sexy hit of your masculinity, but they are commonly talked about, because they are a) obvious, and b) easy to do.

I’m going to tell you exactly HOW you do that in a way that makes her FEEL powerful sexual chemistry, but first, let me quickly explain the “why.”

Humans have evolved across millions of years to very carefully select who they will have children with.

For a man, this decision is not a big deal because, theoretically, a man could easily impregnate 7 women in 7 days. He can afford some “trial and error” in his choice of a mate.

But for a woman this calculation is very different. She can only get pregnant once every couple of years and each time she does, especially in the natural world, she risks death.

She only has so many opportunities to get it right. So women must be much more sexually selective than men.

That’s why men are often accused of being willing to jump into bed with just about anything, and women are the selectors who often say, “no.”

CONSCIOUSLY, a woman is not thinking about whether or not you are good genetic stock for mating when she is deciding whether or not she’s “in the mood”. She’s generally not CONSCIOUSLY thinking about babies at all, except maybe to make sure that somebody is using birth control to prevent having one.

But UNCONSCIOUSLY, her animal brain is absolutely absorbed in that calculation, like a computer program running in the background. And it is making decisions that cause her to be either aroused or not aroused based exactly on these calculations.

Not only that, but because women are more likely to get pregnant when they experience powerful orgasms, they are wired to have more of these powerful orgasms when these “arousal calculations” go well.

There is no evolutionary advantage to a woman experiencing powerful orgasms with a man who has a large penis or who knows a special way to use his tongue… which is why those things are NOT what make the most incredible sex happen (which you already know if you’ve read Revolutionary Sex).

Instead women have their most powerful orgasms when they feel sexual chemistry, trust, and intimacy. Because she has all sorts of built in instincts for feeling sexual chemistry for the RIGHT man.

This, by the way, is a darn good argument for checking out my video, so I think I’ll just put a link right here for the guy that wants to give his woman the most powerful orgasms of her life right now: Download Revolutionary Sex

Okay, moving on…Here is what to do:

You might hear a woman say something like, “I want a man who knows how to be a MAN.”

What she is talking about is masculine sexuality.

Here’s one way you can trigger all of those things with the woman that you are with:

“Leading” is a very interesting concept and it can be applied almost anywhere in your interaction with a woman in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

Here are 4 areas that YOU should be leading… each one creates the path for the next, and “leads” her into a powerful zone of sexual chemistry:

1) Normal Interactions

Everyone knows that men are supposed to lead when dancing.

And look, I know, most guys aren’t very good dancers and so that can sometimes be a challenge.

A woman will certainly forgive you if you are not a great dancer or can’t lead. No big deal.

But if you CAN lead, she will FEEL it. It will create sexual tension for her. It’s not going to turn her into a horny sex-monster, but she’ll feel it.

If you are a great dancer and can lead with powerful authority, she’ll feel it more strongly.

Personally, I’m not that great a dancer, but fortunately the world is filled with other normal opportunities for you to lead.

When you hold the door open for her, you are leading the path to where you are going together.

Likewise, when you take her arm while walking, instead of waiting for her to offer hers…

When you pull out her chair for her to sit– you are helping her and being nice– but also there is a subtle command behind the gesture: “You sit here.”

Leading in conversation is an art.

Leading in your relationship is an art and requires self trust and calm decisiveness and clarity about what you want.

** Always remember this:

Part of leading is never having to PROVE that you’re leading all the time.

You never need to push her around, be a jerk, or a bully. Leading and being dominant is a subtle thing that rises from male confidence and your ease with your masculine identity.

Lead as a service to her, lead where you secretly know she’s yearning to go, lead her into her secret delight.

2) Body Language and Eye Contact

Eye contact can be a powerful way to lead and show dominance.

Becoming aware of this, rather than allowing it to happen randomly can be a powerful education for a man and you will quickly see the effects on your relationships with women.

When you look at a woman and your eyes flit around nervously, she does not “notice” this fact… but she DOES “FEEL” it.

Instead, hold your gaze on her eyes (there’s a theory that left eye to left eye links the emotional hemisphere’s of the brain).

You will find that she will lock onto your eyes in return. Animal instinct is at work.

Now the key in the animal kingdom is not to look away until she does…

But in practice, sometimes women get locked into your gaze so powerfully that they
CAN’T look away, and that can lead to a creepy staring contest with her.

Shifting your eyes downward after eye contact is submissive (and you may find your natural instinct if things get uncomfortable is to do exactly that). She won’t “notice” this but she will “FEEL” it.

Here’s what to do instead:

Either smile, and look to the side, or BETTER, move your gaze to your favorite part of her body with intention and enjoyment.

Breast man? Slowly drift from her eyes to her boobies and linger meaningfully, then look back up and smile. Love blow jobs? Allow yourself to enjoy her moist, beautiful lips…

Glancing furtively is submissive AND creepy. Make it obvious, make it enjoyable, make it sexy.

Let these meetings of the eyes be casual, not constant.

Always staring at her eyes, trying to get her to make eye contact with you, after a while, will feel like you are trying to hard to get her attention… rather than her wanting your attention… and THAT is not leading.

3) Touch Her

There is a delicate and subtle dance to touching.

As you are moving from conversation to eye contact to touching and ultimately to sex, touch increases slowly and steadily, and from casual to more intimate.

Learning how to pace this escalation takes some time and paying attention to her reaction.

There is a psychological bridge to cross between touching her hand and touching her face,
or her inner thighs, or her breasts…

Just as there is a psychological bridge to cross between a gentle squeeze of encouragement and a sensual caress.

You don’t want to rush across, obviously, but being too timid to cross is worse. When the time is right, increase the intimacy of your touch.

**Repeating for emphasis: being too timid to move towards intimate touching is worse. Leading means leading. When you feel the time is right, and you feel your desire to touch her growing, then allow yourself to enjoy touching her.

If she is holding your eye contact, then you can touch her face, or touch her more sexually and she will probably welcome it.

Women (all humans, really) love physical touch, and this shows that you are unafraid to LEAD the interaction towards one that is more sexual.

Make your touch confident, relaxed, and assured.

This creates magic sexual chemistry.

4) Leading Sexually

Well, if you’ve been following along so far, we’ve gone from holding doors for her to touching her breasts…

So really, we are in the realm of sex now. And to stop using a confident, leading dominance at this point, would be cheating her out of the prize.

You have gotten her feeling sexual attraction without her necessarily knowing why. What you do with it next will determine whether she giggles with her friends about the “sexual chemistry” she felt with you tomorrow.

When you are making love to a woman, it is very important to not be tentative or shy about what you desire.

I’ll make exceptions for women who are sexually dominant, but they exist more in fetish videos than reality. It might be a fun game for her to play to be dominant once in a while with her lover… but 99% of the time, the best way for her to experience being dominant is to be AROUSED FIRST by your dominance and then given permission or encouragement to take over.


Touch her with confidence and don’t wait for her approval for every little thing you do.

“Do you feel like making love tonight, or should I just get ready for bed?” is going to KILL it for her… and unless she is really exceptionally starved for sex, she’s going to reject you.

To be vulnerably honest here I’ll admit that I’ve done that many times myself when I was tired and and feeling uncertain, and it’s death to sexual attraction. Do it often or as a regular pattern and you will see your relationship fall to pieces.

Instead, either tell her what you want her to do, or move her physically into the bedroom.

Of course, you want to do the things that feel good for her too… but you don’t do that by asking her what to do next… you do it by trying the things that please you and PAYING ATTENTION to what is working for her too.

After learning “leading and dominance,” the next big step to creating sexual chemistry
with a woman is learning how to create “trust and intimacy.”

This is a HUGE and incredibly important topic for making her feel like there is a nearly magical sexual connection between the two of you, and it makes it amazingly quick and simple to bring her to orgasm.

In this sense the “trust” I’m talking about is “sexual trust.”

It is not the same as trusting you to not cheat or trusting you to never lie or to always protect her (though these masculine qualities of trust can also be very sexually attractive to a woman).

Sexual trust is about her trusting you to guide her safely through powerful sexual experiences. And “leading” is very powerful in building this feeling as well.

I like to use the analogy of an airplane pilot. If you are getting onto an airplane, would you trust a pilot who has never told a lie and is super-nice? …or a pilot who has massive knowledge and experience with landing big planes in the worst possible weather conditions?

For a woman, powerful orgasms are very much like landing a plane during a hurricane.

And the fact is, YOU can learn to be the kind of man that she will trust to pilot her through that experience.

This is the ultimate form of “sexual chemistry” and it is the psychological magic that allows her to surrender into orgasms that most women can’t even imagine, and far fewer ever experience.

Can you learn to do it?

It’s simple, actually, and it’s the reason I felt like I HAD TO create the “ORGASMS” program. Too many people make it way to complicated, when actually it’s just 3 simple steps (only these 3 and always these 3).

Does it really work?

I guarantee it.

If you have any doubts or want to test it out, get access to the “ORGASMS” program here, then try out any of the techniques in the program (one for each of the 3 steps)…

If it’s not the easiest, fastest, and most powerful orgasm she’s ever had, just send me an email requesting a refund, and you’ll get a fast, courteous return of your money.

In fact, you can take a full 2 months to try it as much as you like before you decide.

The fact is, most guys are too shy or embarrassed to take the step of asking for information, and then actually TRYING it.

And that’s a shame. Because if they had a little guts, they could be leading a much richer sex life, satisfying women in ways they never dreamed of, and forging far more powerful emotional relationships.

Don’t be that timid guy. Learn how to be the man that can land that plane for her.

You can try it out for yourself HERE.

This article is ©2014 by Life Love Passion, Inc., and free under the Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License and you may freely copy, distribute, blog, or post it anywhere, so long as the work is attributed to “” and “Alex Allman”, and the text is unaltered.

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